Recently, Kris and I found out that we were expecting our third baby. Then, 2 weeks ago, I went in for a routine doctor appointment, and I thought I was about 9 weeks along. The baby, measured by an ultrasound, measured only 5 weeks. After some further tests, I was told I was going to have a miscarriage. Needless to say, I was devastated. As many of you know, I recently lost my mom, now this. And this was such a different feeling. When I lost my mom, I had so many memories of her to keep with me, to keep HER with me. With a baby I’ve never met, it’s very different. I lost all of the HOPE I had for the baby, hope of meeting her (yes, I’m calling it a her), hope of nursing her, hope of… you get the point.
What’s getting me through this, is knowing that somehow this is all part of God’s plan. I wasn’t meant to know this baby on earth. I know that someday, I’ll get to meet my baby in heaven, but until then, I just have to take solace in knowing that she’s being raised by Jesus, my mom, and all my relatives that have gone before me. She’s in good hands. In a strange way, I feel like it actually gives me something to look forward to. I pray for her every night, and probably will for the rest of my life.
As Kris and I told our friends and family that knew we were expecting, we learned that so many women we know have experienced this. I knew a few of my friends had, but when I told them, I learned about more and more friends who have also been through this. This brings me back to the first paragraph. WHY? Is it because it’s too painful to talk about for some women? Do women feel ashamed? I know, personally, I don’t. I know this was not something I “failed” at. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I hesitated to post this at all. But then I thought, why not? If I can help ONE mom feel less alone in this, then it’s worth posting. I’m posting this so that any mom who’s gone through this can know that she’s not alone.
Have you gone through this? I’d love to hear your story. How did you take the news? How did you heal? Are you a dad who’s gone through this? I’d love to hear your story too. Leave a comment on the blog or on fb. If you’d rather do it anonymously, email or message me on fb and I’ll post your story as a comment w/no name.
Needless to say, I’m still healing. I think I will be for a long, long time. Please, say a prayer tonight for my little baby. Thank you. J
5 comments:
Cathy, I'm really sorry to hear this. I know your sweet little one is in heaven with your mom and playing with my five little ones. The word miscarriage seems to be such a taboo word to mention like it's a cuss word, but it is a hard and painful thing to deal with. Thankfully, I found a wonderful online group of ladies that has supported me through all my ups and downs. I've met only a handful of them in person, but I truly call all of them my good friends. Big hugs to you. If you need to talk I'd be happy to get our kids together.
Dena
Well written. I will pray for you, Kris, Rose, Grace, and your little baby. I just finished reading Heaven is for Real and I envision your little baby being held by your Mama in Heaven. Hope to see you soon.
Cathy, I am so sad to hear about your family's loss. My husband & I lost our first pregnancy in 2008. It had taken us several months to get pregnant, so the news of our pregnancy was even more exciting. I was extremely sick for the first 9 weeks, but my doctor said it was normal and I didn't need to come in. I finally insisted that I have an appointment, and she couldn't find a heartbeat. She didn't use the term "miscarriage", but we knew there was a problem. The doctor had us sit in the busy waiting area with pregnant moms walking all around us instead of letting us stay in a private room to figure out what was going on. She then sent us over to the hospital for a second ultrasound just in case the baby was "hiding". During the next sonogram, the tech found that there war 2!! babies. Apparently we had conceived mono amniotic twins--EXTREMELY rare, and very unlikely to survive full term. Many have been born early and survived, but they tend to have health issues. I wound up having to stay in the hospital for 3 days because I lost a lot of blood during the D&C and was dehydrated from the pregnancy. During that time, all I could do was cry. It was the week of my Spring Concert (I was an elementary music teacher), my community theater musical was about to open that next weekend (I played in the orchestra), and then end of the school year was a few weeks away. Here is how God's perfect plan un-folded for us: First, during the pregnancy, I was obsessed with pregnancy/birth tv shows. One of those shows was a special on mono amniotic twins. My doctor barely knew what they were and I knew all about them. Second, my husband's first thought when we miscarried was "The Lord giveth & the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." That verse gave us peace because it shows God has a plan meant for our good during loss. Third, another music teacher IMMEDIATELY contacted my school's principal & offered to direct my Spring Concert. Fourth, God had placed 3 very Godly couples in my orchestra who helped me heal during the musical perforamances/rehearsals once I came back. Fifth, it took us 2 years to get pregnant again which tells me that it just wasn't the right time for us to have a child (also included in this point is the fact that my husband almost lost his job during those 2 years). It's amazing to actually SEE God working in your life. Looking back on the miscarriage of our twins, I don't see a tragedy. Yes, I wonder what they would have been like. Yes, I pray about them--especially that in the past 4 years since this happened, my amazing Uncle & Grandfather have passed away, so I know that they are all together in heaven. Would I have still had my precious little Abygail in 2010? Most likely, if I'd had twins, I wouldn't have been too quick to get pregnant again. I wouldn't trade my Abby for anything. So, Cathy, watch for God's Perfect Plan in all of this. "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." And may God give you and your family peace during this time.
Cathy,
So very sorry for your family's loss. Sadly what God has in store for us isn't what we would hope. I love you all.
Katie H
Thank you so much for being willing to write and share about this. I so agree about the taboo surrounding miscarriage, and you've done a powerful thing by sharing your story. Have you ever heard of Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope? http://facesofloss.com/ I thought maybe you'd like to share your story there, or read about other families who've been through a similar loss. Your baby girl is lucky to have such a loving mom here on Earth and so many people who love her in Heaven!!!
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